Welp, this isn't a happy post, y'all. I think I wouldn't be so hard on myself if I had truly done my best and had a clean ride and still lost--the competition was tough. It's been a tough few weeks, and an even tougher weekend. So here you go, people. Here's how you get over a bad ride.
1. Cry. Yep. I've done that a lot this weekend. No shame here. Here is a list of all of the things I have cried about this weekend:
1. Feeling like I let myself down.
2. Feeling like I let my friends down.
3. Feeling like I disappointed my instructor and that she will never want to coach me again because it isn't worth it.
4. When I remembered all the bad things I did in front of the judge in both classes.
5. Feeling embarrassed about #5.
6. Thinking about what my instructor said after the class which also made me feel sad.
7. Feeling like I will never be good enough or prepared enough.
10. Wondering which horse I will have to ride next
11. Thinking that nationals will probably not happen this year after my crapstorm debut.
12. Knowing that no matter what anyone says, it WAS my fault.
13. Knowing that I didn't do my best, no matter what anyone says.
14. Thinking that I might have moved up to the WTC division too soon.
15. Feeling bad because I blamed the horse for things that were my fault.
16. Wishing that I had my own stupid horse to ride all the time for consistency
17. Feeling that all of the money and time that I spent was a waste.
2. Analyze. What did you do differently that day? I will tell you, I will never wear mismatched socks again. Did you visualize the ride? Did you mentally and physically prepare yourself? How did you warm up? One thing I know was different is that because the classes were structured a little odd, I only got to trot around the warm-up ring once before going int he class. I didn't get to canter, and I really felt unprepared (even though I shouldn't have been).
3. Take ownership. Did the horse stop cantering? what were you doing to ensure the next step was a canter? I admit, I don't think I was that focused. Did you pick up the wrong diagonal or the wrong lead? It wasn't the horse's fault--you didn't pay attention enough to set him (or yourself) up correctly. As much as we think so, the horses aren't out to get us. We have to stop blaming others, blaming the weather, blaming the horse, and blaming the judge. we need to look to ourselves to be better.
4. Remember that you got EXACTLY what you paid for. Not once on the sign-up sheet did it say that I was guaranteed anything. The fee that I paid included board, transport, and entry and coaching fees. Ribbons are not included in this cost. Remember that you are paying money for someone to judge you and rank you among the others in the group.
5. Ride. To be honest, I am not at that stage yet. Right now, I think I am in stage 3 or 4, but I don't really know if I am ready to ride again. I work on Tuesday, and even then I might not ask to ride. This is the toughest thing to do. Even when you do well at a show, the first ride back is always the hardest. I am not sure why I feel this way, but it is especially tough to get back on and sit up straight and do it all over again. But you do.
You can.
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