We have lost a little of the "magic". I think, as a child, I imagined that one day I would wake up on Christmas morning and find a horse in my front yard. I spent years playing pretend in my yard and begging my parents over and over again. I did get a horse (finally) when I was younger, and it was everything I had hoped for. Unfortunately, I gave up riding for a long time (over eight years) after his passing. Coming back as an adult, the "magic" and possibilities are now so severely limited. There is no one to buy me a horse for Christmas, and no more "surprises". In a way, that is a good thing, because I don't waste my time on dreams I know won't happen, but it still is much different than those big-eyed children that frolic through the barn happily dreaming of Christmas ponies.
Everything seems so "pressing" right now, because we know that each ride could be our last. As adults, our bodies are older, more worn out. We know that there are so many life obstacles and events that could take away this dream in an instant. We count the rides, and savor each moment. We know that at any time, this dream could be over. We force ourselves to try to advance quickly, ride as many horses as possible, just in case we never get to do this again.
We feel guilty for sacrificing for our dream. We have bills to pay, families to support, repairs to complete on our homes, the list goes on and on. There are times when we see how much time and money we have spent and we feel guilty for doing it. We sacrifice time with our own families to practice, work, and show. We wonder why we are even here in the first place.
But the beautiful thing is that, despite all of these obstacles...
we do still dream.
